Staying True

To be honest, my mind was completely blank when I started this post. I had so many things in my head but just didn't know how to write/type it all out. Well I guess I'll start from last Friday. I didn't come online for the whole week cause exams were goin' on. My revision books were my temporary friends for the entire week. I had 6 sleepless nights. I was studying the whole time as this exam is really important. Just the thought of it gave me shivers. But I gotta say, all that studying I did for History, where I only slept for 4 hours and Red Bull and Livita, didn't really pay off as well as I though it would. I studied a lot on Form 2, and guess what? 35 questions from Form 1 came out!! Somehow I managed to remember a few important facts and pulled myself together. But overall, I can honestly say that I felt like dying when I was doing the paper. I'm praying that I at least get 80! I don't care if its a low A, I just want an A! Enough said about History, Maths was also mind challenging. I was totally blur for locus, but at least I did the geometrical construction. So, hoping to get a B. And if its actually possible, an A. Finally, Geography. Actually Geo was quite okay for me. I think I just panicked too much. After all that pain I had to face, I finally got through it. Now its over. For now at least. There's a much bigger hurdle coming my way and its not gonna be easy. Its PMR. Just the thought of it already makes me worried. Its definitely a main priority for me to get straight A's. I know its gonna be a huge sacrifice and I have to work extra hard on it, but I'm determined to succeed. Nothing's impossible if you just put some effort and believe in yourself. Confidence is the key. Without it, you can't really go anywhere in life. Ok, let's leave studies aside for a while and focus on what's also important, my social life as you can say. I'm not popular and I'm not exactly a geek or a nerd. I guess I'm sort of in between. I have a few best friends who are popular and I find hard for me to be with them sometimes. Everyone's always trying to get close to them and join in our gang. I'm not trying be mean or anything, just stating a point. I didn't go chasing after them, they came to me. I'm not sure why, but they just did. I feel quite grateful that they're in my life. Even though I don't see them a lot, but they're always in my thoughts and heart. I take my friendships pretty seriously. Even thought I might not show it at times, but that feeling is there. I'm more of a thinker. I like to explore my imagination. Especially in writing. I can only write when I'm inspired by something, or if something's bothering me. I can't write by force. Its just not how I do it. But anyways, back to reality. I've been having this feeling recently. Its sort of a lonely feeling. Let's just leave it at that. Nowadays, I feel so left out for some reason. Like I'm not the main attention. Can't blame anyone for it though because I've never been that person. I've always dreamed of being popular and being the center of attention. I just wanted to feel what it's like to be in the spotlight, where everyone would envy me, instead of me envying them. But who am I kidding, I'm just an ordinary small town girl. I don't think that's ever gonna change. Only in my dreams I reckon. You know, it's sad to find out that the friend whom you trusted your life with, actually chose another best friend. A new and more fun one. Probably because I've gotten boring. Yeah, that's it. Our relationship starting drifting apart ever since we came to secondary school. I actually was looking forward to being a teen and all that, but it turned out way beyond my expectations. At first, I didn't really notice any changes. But then later on, I started realizing that whenever she's around, my friend will be close to her. But when I'm around, she'll be close to me. I just didn't know what to make of it. I wasn't really jealous, just worried. I didn't want to lose my best friend. That's all. Besides all that drama, there's also this issue of me getting to know the real "ME". Its just a tad bit complicated for me at the moment. I'm having some difficulties in finding out what do I wanna be and who I am. At the end of the day, even though I'm influenced to do so many things, I need to stay true to myself. That's my new mission in life. Staying true. No matter what the situation, or who influences me, I'm gonna stay true to what I want and what I desire. I'm not gonna give up on my dream of being famous and living in New York. You can laugh and criticize all you want cause its not gonna do ya any good. I ain't gonna stop believing, that's for sure. One day, you just might regret all the things you said to me. When I'm famous, I'm not gonna respond to you haters. I'm gonna live my life the way I want to live it. My way is the best way and success is my destination. So you can read this and weep suckers!